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The journal of Captain Obvious

Discussion in 'Red Dead Discussion' started by Chinny-againny, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Wrangler

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    (The Noob sits on the steps outside the Saloon in Armadillo, sulking sadly.....suddenly, over the horizon he's sees a familiar figure dressed in black, riding a white horse and smoking a cigarillo...he can't make out the figure at first due to blurring from the sun, but as the figure comes closer he realizes who it is).

    NOOB: It's Captain Obvious! It's Captain obvious! Hey everyone he's back!

    (All of the towns folk of Armadillo come from their houses to greet him as he rides up from the long desert behind him)

    NOOB: Captain Obvious where have you been????

    Captain: (Tips hat to the noob). Well kid, I've been at game stop, buying and playing games that actually work. I am currently waiting to move into my new house and am staying somewhere in which the only internet I can get is a hot spot on my phone so I can't say I've been online much. I've been spending time in the single player offline world and I'm enjoying myself. I'm currently playing L.A. Noire, Batman Arkham City and I have 7 other games to play at home so I can't say I'll be back any time soon.

    NOOB: But....those are REALLY old games?

    Captain: So is RDR kid.....does it make it any less fun to play? NO. SO while you spend 50 bucks a game I get 10 games for 50 bucks that are all worth playing so you can suck it. I'll get a PS4 when I'm good and ready.

    NOOB: But.....what will we do? How will we survive without you?

    Captain: (The towns people all look at him.....eagerly awaiting his response) Well kid, you were doin' fine before I came along and you'll be just fine without me. But know this, someday, when online gaming returns to what it should be and there's a new RDR map to explore (RDR EUROPE, ARFICA, AND OR CANADA MAYBE???) you'll be sure to find me there.
    Until then.....STFU and quit yer cryin'!!!!!

    WHAP!!! (slaps noob across the face)

    (The crowd gasps)

    (Captain begins to slowly ride out of town into the sunset)

    NOOB: I love you Captain Obvious! I'll always remember you!

    Captain: That's because you're a complete Panzy kid.....that's because you're a complete Panzy....

    THNSAWOITS
     
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  2. Persht

    Persht Administrator Staff Member

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    Hope you got that internet situation sorted out.
     
  3. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Wrangler

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    NOOB: (standing on the porch of the Armadillo Saloon) Hey Captain Obvious? Who the heck is this guy? He says he's you?
    [​IMG]

    CAPTAIN: A mere shadow of what I am! I was Captain Obvious long before this clown ever came along and I will be long after he is gone! I hate this boob! Before he came along I was like the 2nd or third thing you saw when you googled "Captain Obvious" .... now I'm so deep I don't even know where I turn up.

    NOOB: Ummmm....not to pee in your Kool Aid, but don't you think there were other people using the idea of Captain Obvious long before you? I mean it's really not that original of an idea. The phrase "thanks Captain Obvious" has been around for decades.

    CAPTAIN: (squints eyes as rage builds in his face.....winds his arm back s far as he can and backhands the NOOB) WHAAAP! (The NOOB is backhanded so hard that he goes flying through the doors leading into the saloon, across the room, and crashes through the back wall landing back by the barn).

    CAPTAIN: That'll learn ya you ingrate!

    THNSAWOITS.
     
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  4. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Wrangler

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    NOOB: Hey Captain obvious, since RDR 2 is pushed back can I still paly RDR 1 online?

    Captain: Well kid, you can, but I'd also spam message the crap out of Rockstar to try and get them to fix it. It's still a mess and pretty glitchy at times.

    NOOB: Is it still worth playing?

    Captain: Heck yeah! Every match is full of NOOBS and you can head shot them until they rage quit or vote you out! I got voted out of 7 matches yesterday and was honestly going for a record. Today I'm gonna go for 8!

    NOOB: You're such a prick....

    Captain: Right Diddleyon! (THNSAWOITS)
     

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