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The journal of Captain Obvious

Discussion in 'Red Dead Discussion' started by Chinny-againny, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious squats on a hill in the great plains just outside of Blackwater. Alfie the alligator is nearby chasing butterflies with movement more like a puppy or kitten than an alligator. The captain is using his Varmint rifle to pick off birds and pluck them.

    The Noob rides up on a white arabian horse...

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious! Whatcha doin?

    Captain: Farming feathers and bird meat kid to sell to the butcher....what does it look like I'm doin?

    NOOB: I guess THAT! What you just said.....

    Captain: Then what the hell you ask me for! Whatdya want?

    NOOB: Oh, ummm check out my new horse! Just bough it?

    Captain: Nice horse, how much did that cost?

    NOOB: Everything I had...but it was worth it.

    Captain: Oh yeah? What kinda guns you carrying.

    NOOB: Oh I got these two....(Noob shows the captain a cattleman and repeater carbine)

    Captain: Buy anything else stupid before upgrading guns like a hat or a haircut or is it just that horse?

    NOOB: You mean...these aren't good guns?

    Captain: They suck....good luck in a PVP match with those.....

    NOOB: Oh.......so hey captain how come people are forming posse's and doing nothing but riding around....no stranger missions....no gang hideouts...nothing....

    Captain: This old chestnut again? Really? Ok well I guess it's a new game so.....I think that people posse up to have fun but at this point there's a not a lot of purpose so they go attack the law and do other stupid stuff like griefing other players etc. If the gang hideouts spawned better they might do more of them but I don't really know kid.....people are just stupid. If you wanna team up start your own posse and set mission points or join story missions and replay them with a group.

    NOOB: Okay thanks Captain obvious! Seems like people are beign sort of dumb about it.

    Captain: YEP! Only thing dumber than that would be writing a fake conversation that you have with yourself and then posting it online in a forum!

    NOOB: UMMMM.......

    Captain: WHAT?

    NOOB: Nothing......

    Captain: Well I guess there could be one level lower of stupidity....that might be the 28,000 or so people that read the fake conversations mentioned above.

    NOOB: Yeah....I get what yer saying>

    Captain: Wink wink.....that's for you readers out there.....thanks fer following our stupid story.....

    NOOB: Who you talkin' to?

    Captain: never mind......it's a sort of like a DEADPOOL thing..... you wouldnt get it.

    THNSAWOITS
     
  2. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious sits on his horse just outside Fort Collins apparently just staring at it......the Noob rides up on his horse...

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious......whatcha doin?

    Captain: Staring at this fort and waiting for the stupid gang hideout to spawn.....see I figured it out...if you stare at it long enough it will just appear.

    NOOB: I see....so I had a question.....what's up with all these free roam posse's just running around and griefing people?

    Captain: I need more details....

    NOOB: Well, I was trying to get to my camp last night and noticed that the Fort Collins gang hideout had spawned along the way so I thought I'd complete that since I had yet to see it spawn in hopes of getting a treasure map....when I got there I went in and started killing NPC's and then realized that there was already a posse in there so I figured I'd help them out....Once the hideout was complete they all started shooting at me and yelling "get out of here this is our town!" and all kinds of other crap. They killed me like three times after the gang hideout had finished and I had to respawn and try to ride by them like 3 or 4 times to get to my camp.....then as I rode off they called me a pussy and all kinds of things. I don't get it? You told me to go away so I did and then when I did you called me a pussy? Make up your mind already geez! Anyway. I got to my camp and then they rode up and tried to invade but I had my white flag up so they could not do anything but stand there and yell shit at me while I cooked some food over the fire. They kept trying to shoot me and my horse from outside the camp as well and of course their bullets just missed me and my horse......then they said I should join their clan because they were the best around? Why would I want to join up with these idiots? Especially after they shot me and clearly were just running around doing random crap for no reason? I'm working on raising my honor not lowering it. So then they rode off and I was able to get on with my game.

    Captain: Well kid, there are some real special idiots out there in the online world and it looks like you found a few. Next time around if you're not concerned about honor join up with them and then do things to deliberately sabotage anything that they are doing. That would be my advice. The thing is, some players just suck at the game, they can't get any satisfaction from actual show down matches because they suck so bad that it only frustrates them. So, the only thing that they CAN do is to go into free roam and kill other players to try to alleviate their stress since they suck so bad. That makes them feel like they are powerful and can actually do some killing since they generally get whooped so bad in showdown series that they rage quit every time. These people are losers. It's just that simple. Don't let em' get ya down...now if you'll excuse me I see that the gang hideout has spawned that I was waiting on....all that staring does pay off after all! HIYAH! (Captain rides his horse towards Fort Collins guns blazing)

    NOOB: That man.....that man is a national treasure....Good luck in there Captain Obvious!
     
  3. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Noob sits on a stoop outside of the Saloon in Valentine....Captain obvious rides up and notices that the Noob keeps nodding off but is trying to stay awake. he stops his horse

    Captain: Whatsa matter kid?

    NOOB: Oh....hey Captain Obvious......I'm just really tired.

    Captain: Oh yeah why is that?

    NOOB: Well, ya see, I've been up the past three days in the same spot waiting for a gang hideout to spawn. I know it's there because I got the map off of a youtube video but I just sit there and nothing happens! I just stare at it hoping it will spawn. WHY WON'T IT SPAWWWWWWNNN! AAAHHHHHHHHGGGGHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    (The Noob begins bawling like a 2 year old)

    Captain: WHOA! Slow down there buckaroo! Didn't anyone tell you this is a Beta and is bound to be riddled with glitches and problems? If you got a problem with that report it to rockstar! There have been issues with the beta and one of the biggest ones has been with hideouts not spawning like they are supposed to. If it's not working go do something else! Go hunting, do stranger missions or redo story missions, go do showdowns or races, anything but staring at a spot and hoping something happens. Go up into the hills and kill a bear.....but whatever you do don't just sit there and then complain about it with no plans of trying to make it better!

    NOOB: But that's what everyone is doing on RDO right now!

    Captain: Look here kid, you and everyone else here got this damned online part of the game for free and it will probably remain that way (except for that PS+ account fee). They are working on improving it and it keeps getting better every week. Heck, 2 weeks ago I'd get kicked from the servers at least once an hour and every time I tried a Stranger mission it wouldn't even load correctly and in some cases would just freeze up my game entirely! Did I complain about it? Yes, I sent Rockstar a ticket saying that it was not working and that they needed to try to fix it. Some of the things I have notified them about have been fixed already! It's gonna take time. Do I sit there on the mic. and bitch about how the game sucks to anyone who will listen? NO, I don't. And nor should you or anyone else. If you don't like it don't play it. Some of us round here are really enjoying it and getting better at it every day. SO suck it up buttercup. That gang hideout will spawn for you before you know it.

    NOOB: Thanks for the advice Captain obvious! I feel better now. OMG! I'm looking at my map right now and it's showing up finally! I'm gonna go complete it and hopefully get a treasure map! (NOOB hops on his horse and rides off in the direction of Twin Rocks).

    Captain: Go Get em! Good luck kid! Now let's see here.....(Captain obvious looks through his weapons and grabs a rolling block sniper)....jusssst gotta lie up the shot......and.........

    (BOOM! The NOOB's horse suddenly collapses dead and he falls off)

    NOOB: Hey what the hell! Goddamn griefers! Who did that! This game sucks I swear to Go-

    (BOOM! Noob takes a head shot out of nowhere and dies)

    Captain: Told ya not to bitch ya little Brat.

    THNSAWOITS
     
  4. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    HI KIDS! Captain Obvious here and just wanted to do a normal post today because there are sooooo many things to talk about that writing a dialogue with the NOOB would take forever on this one. First of all Happy new year! So here are a few things I have noticed with online game play that have been annoying with RDR2 online.

    1. Quit bitching. I hear people constantly griping on the mic. about how this game sucks etc. First of all it's in a beta stage so problems are to be expected. Deal with it. Things will get better and if you really hate it go play fortnite or COD if that's your thing. Some of us happen to be really enjoying it.

    2. NO one, and I mean no one wants to hear the music that you are blasting while playing the game. It does not make you cool, and even if the music is good we still don't want to hear it. The fact of the matter is that 90% of the time the music that you are playing sucks anyway. So, if you must listen to music while playing please keep it at a lower volume, turn your mic down, or turn it off entirely. Everyone is just going to mute you anyway for doing that so having the mic on while blasting music is a sure way to make sure that no one will talk to you.

    3. Don't ask me to send you a friend request when I have never even played with you before. Online relationships must grow from experience. If I find that I like you I will eventually send or accept a friend request.

    4. Try to avoid raging online. They're all going to laugh at you Carrie....

    5. For the little squeakers, stop cussing at everybody to show how tough you are. Stop being racist and prejudice towards others. Not cool. The only thing that will do for you is make enemies and the entire lobby will start hating on you until you eventually rage quit, which you will.

    6. If a noob asks a question while in game play, answer it, and be nice. This is a learning experience for everyone and we gotta help each other out. Don't be a dick about it if someone asks a question that you think should be obvious at this point. Maybe this person just got the game or maybe they are just getting started online.

    7. By all means talk smack, we all do it, it's fun and often very funny as well, but make sure you know your lobby. If you suck don't sit there and talk about how you're going to kick everyone's ass and only end up with 3 points on a most wanted match. Although I will admit nothing satisfies me more than when someone is talking mad shit all day on the mic. and I kick their ass. they tend to shut up real quick after that so this one is sort of a double edged sword for me.

    8. If you're going to form posse have a plan for god's sake! Nothing is worse than waiting to join a posse only to find that you've joined a group that is just running around doing random crap like shooting the law etc. It's dumb. I honestly spend little time in regular free roam unless I'm hunting a treasure or buying stuff like new guns.

    9. This one is just advice. The fastest way I have found to earn money is to play showdown series large. You get good money even when you lose as well as good XP. Keep in mind however that if you are just starting out you are going to want to buy some better guns as soon as you can. I suggest getting the lancaster repeater, varmint rifle, bolt action rifle, and pump action shotgun as soon as possible. The pistols are pretty worthless at this point so don't worry about getting those until later on. I've been using the bolt action rifle and the pump action shotgun as my 2 primary weapons and not much else. I have a volcanic and schofield set for double wielding but rarely use them. Some people really like the bow and arrow as well but I'm at level 84 and have yet to even purchase one....although I think I might just for the master archer events which I have yet to play.
     
  5. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain obvious stands outside the mine in gaptooth breach looking bored. The Noob Rides up on his horse.

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious! WOW! It sure takes a long time to ride all the way down here when you don't want to pay for fast travel. Geez.

    Captain: Yep, it's a long ride.

    NOOB: Watcha doin'?

    Captain: Well, I came down here to pick up a treasure and then made the mistake of waiting for this gang hideout to spawn but nothing happened once again.

    NOOB: I see. So my question today is, why is everyone bitching about the use of shotguns in PVP matches? I don't get it....I only really use one in Make it count, a game where you actually get points for using a shotgun or tomahawk over rifles and pistols. The point of the game is to get the most points so using a shotgun makes sense right? Some guy was ripping on me last night for using a shotgun in that match when everyone else was as well. He kept yelling "OH! Shotgun! you're really good at this" in a sarcastic manner every time someone killed him with one.

    Captain: Yes it does make sense. When I play make it count I usually win because I am using the shotgun. I only go for the tomahawk when I am behind or if my team is behind. In most other matches I rely primarily on my bolt action rifle or pump action shotgun as well. My guess is you have encountered a NOOB who doesn't get the rules of the PVP modes yet and is complaining because he has 2 point to your 20. Next time that happens kindly explain to him that the whole point of that match is to run and gun and get the max points possible.

    NOOB: Thanks Captain obvious!

    Captain: Whatever.....

    THNSAWOITS
     
  6. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious sits atop a tall mountain top deep in northern snow country. He is sitting cross legged woith his hands on his knees, fingers aimed upwards in a meditataive state.

    Captain: OMMMMMMM..........Ommmmmmmm.......Ommmm-

    NOOB (appearing out of nowhere) Captain Obvious I found you!

    Captain(startled): Christ kid you scared the crap outta me!

    NOOB: Whatcha' doin' up here?

    Captain: Trying to calm my soul after losing multiple Most Wanted matches without even coming close to first place despite getting pretty good at head shots.

    NOOB: I never win those. That actually brings me to my question....how the heck am I losing those every time when I'm really good at head shots and yet the winner will have 400 some points to my 180?

    Captain: There could be any number of reasons. Might be their ability cards, they might be using a Varmint rifle, they might know the map better than you, you might just suck at this game, they might just be getting lucky? Who knows. All I know is that it seems that Most wanted is a much easier win in small showdown series vs. large. Not sure why...maybe better players in large? But I tend to win a lot more in the smaller matches. However, that usually means that you have to drag through a make it count match which as you know completely sucks.

    NOOB: Well it doesn't seem fair. What can I do?

    Captain: First and foremost when you are in a hostile territory match don't worry about winning, worry about getting head shots with your weapon of choice and improve your skills, use better weapons, and if you must, use a varmint rifle but make sure you got those head shots down before doing that. I suggest a bolt action or lancaster repeater myself paired with a pump action shotgun. Adjust your settings to find what you like and look up some videos if you're not sure what might work. Now get the hell off of my mountain I'm trying to think here HIYA!

    (captain obvious kicks the Noob and he goes flying off the side of the mountain towards certain death.

    NOOB: (as he falls) Thaaaaanks CAPTAIIIIIIN OBVIOUUUUUSSSS!

    Captain: (Peers over the side of the mountain to see a red mess down below) Hmmm....now where was I? Oh yeah.......OMMMMMMMM......Ommmmmmm....ommmmmmmm.....
     
  7. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The NOOB sits at a table in the Valentine Saloon crying with a glass of beer in front of him....Captain obvious walks in and orders a full bottle of whiskey.....then three more before noticing the Noob sitting in a corner crying.

    Captain: Barkeep! Box of tissues if ya don't mind! (bartender gives Captain the box and he walks over to the Noob and throws the tissues on the table...the Noob looks up, tears in his eyes) Whatsa matter kid? (Captain sits down across from the Noob)

    NOOB: I keep trying to get better.....I'm improving.....but some people are so mean! Last night I came across several players who were just being jerks! They made fun of me, told me I sucked, and beat me several times over to the point where I rage quit yelling at all of them. Then they sent me messages saying I was a pussy and that I'd never be good at the game! I don't know if I'll ever play again!

    Captain: Hmm...I see.....well kid some people are just online bullies. These are people with very low self esteem that feel the need to insult others to make themselves feel better about who they are. In a word, they're assholes. People need to learn to be nicer in online gaming but it ain't gonna happen any time soon. Don't worry, you'll get better and someday it'll be just like RDR1 where nobody could beat you. But don't give up, don't rage quit, vote em out of the lobby and keep trying to beat em! Unless they are using some sort of cheat you'll eventually get to be as good as they are once they plateau and then you can serve em' up a nice big bowl of STFU. If nothing else mute em' in between matches so you don't have to listen to them, block them from sending you messages, and keep playing the game YOUR way.

    NOOB: (wiping away last tear with a tissue) Thanks Captain Obvious!

    Captain: Feel better?

    Noob: Much better.

    Captain: GOOD! Say, you done with that beer?

    NOOB: Oh....uhhh...yeah.

    Captain: Ok.....(Captain picks up beer glass and smashes NOOB in the face with it)

    NOOB: AGGHHHH!

    Captain: Now get outta here ya pussy! Go play some showdown series and grow a pair for gods sake!

    NOOB: (Runs out of the saloon screaming in pain) Damn you Captain Obvious!

    (Barkeep approaches the Captain)

    Barkeep: Ya know something? Yer a real prick!

    Captain: You want some ???? (Captain obvious raises his fist in a threatening manner)

    Bartender: NO! (walks away)

    Captain: That's what I thought....that's what I thought.

    THNSAWOITS
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
  8. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    A note from the captain about Racism, fascism, and homophobia:

    Stop, just stop. Calling someone the N word every time you kill them or a fa**ot does not make you cool. It makes you a jerk. I am absolutely disgusted when I come into a lobby and here grown men (especially) calling people words like these. I'm all for a little smack talking and don't even mind when one player pisses another one off talking smack on the mic. but cmon.....there is no need for that kind of talk on the mic. It's the weakest way possible that you could insult someone. Also don't attack people because of their age, young or old......unless of course it's a squeaker who is being obnoxious on the mic. or using words like those mentioned above. People of all ages play this game so just let it be and have fun. It's unfortunate that some people have to be that discriminitory on the mic.
     
  9. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious on the steps by the post office in Saint Denis smoking a cigarette.....

    Captain: Yep.....just gotta smoke this thing and my deadeye will be back up to normal. Nothing like a video game that encourages the use of tobacco.....

    (Noob rides up on his horse)

    Noob: Oh! Hey Captain Obvious! How ya doin'?

    Captain: Well I'm just fine kid. Just havin' a smoke here before going into pvp matches in order to build up my deadeye. Gotta take advantage of that new Slow and steady ability card everbody's talkin' bout round town....

    Noob: I see.....I'm actually surprised that you are in from of the post office and still alive!

    Captain: How do ya mean?

    Noob: Well usually when I go to the post office there are 5 or 6 guys trying to lasso me, tackle, me and kill me either before I get to the post office window or as soon as I leave. The griefiers seem to have an obsession with the post office.

    Captain: One could go so far as to say they enjoy going postal?

    Noob: Wow. Bad joke. Anyhow.....why do people keep doing this? What satisfaction do they gain? I usually end up getting what I need whether they are there or not so I do not understand the purpose of attacking someone who is just picking up a treasure map or some bullets?

    Captain: Listen kid, these people are just inferior losers. They get together in a group and instead of completing gang hideouts or story missions or even stranger missions for that matter to get some decent XP they run around annoying people for a reaction. These people quite simply do NOT know how to play the game. Hell, if they wanted to kill other players they should go into showdown matches where they could earn some decent XP, money, and gold even if they lose! I play showdown large almost exclusively and have over 60 gold bars and over 4000 cash and that's after buying several outfits, changing hair and makeup, buying the black arabian, and at least 10 guns! Not to mention the most expensive saddle in the game!

    Noob: So, why do they do it?

    Captain: Well kid, my theory as that these people suck so much at the game that they are all too scared to go into any REAL matches so they run around in free roam making sure to stay together as a group because that way if all of them shoot at the same guy at once they might actually get a kill. Now don't get me wrong, I've done my share of griefing, especially in RDR 1. But I don't do a lot in here because there's no point. You can only kill someone so many times before you have to Parlay or do a mini showdown and most people parlay just to annoy their griefiers. I did it once just to see what would happen but that's about it. These people are losers with nothing better to do and in most cases their ranks are low (I'm now at rank 110 from primarily doing showdown series by the way and at this point am just playing for fun).

    Noob: Yeah that sounds about right. Just like RDR 1......well.....i'm gonna go pick up some high velocity bullets here and then i'm off to play some showdown series GUN RUSH! It's brand new! Can't wait to try it out.

    Captain: Don't do it kid. It'll be a waste of time.

    Noob: Why do you say that?

    Captain: Well, just like make it count in regular showdown series you're going to load in and have to wait for 1o minutes while two guys that remain sneak around trying to find each other and never end up killing each other, and then you're going to load into a match that will probably crash and have to start all over and then wait another 10 minutes. After about 30-40 minutes of this you will finally get into an actual match and get killed in the first two minutes or so and then sit around for 110 XP, .02 gold bars, and about 90 dollars. Hell if you wanna do that kind of crap go play Fortnite.

    Noob: Good to know. I'm going to try it out anyway but thanks for the advice.

    Captain: Don't say I didn't warn ya.....

    Noob: I won't! See ya later!

    (Noob rides off)

    Captain: Damn. He got away before I could smack him. Ya got lucky this time kid....ya got lucky....

    THNSAWOITS.
     
  10. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    (Captain obvious sits at a table in his camp near Blackwater sorting through a stack of cards)

    Captain: Let's see here.....cold blooded.........slow and steady......hmmmmm........peak condition.......paint it black.....

    (The noob rides up on his horse, dismounts, and sits at the table across from the captain)

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious! What are you up to?

    Captain: Just looking at my ability cards and trying to figure out a good combo.....

    NOOB: Oh I see. I've been getting a lot of crap lately for my ability cards.....ever since I started playing around with slow and steady.

    Captain: How so?

    NOOB: Oh, well I'll kill somebody with deadeye active on the slow and steady card and they'll freak out on the mic. because they shot me in the head but I didn't die and ended up killing them. People are telling me I'm trash and using some words that are.....harsher than that.....

    Captain: Are they outscoring you?

    NOOB: Oh hell no, they're scoring at the bottom of the board where I'm landing within the top 5 in most cases but not winning very often....

    Captain: Well then they're losers. Anyone who talks crap about a players combat style but can't beat em' is just a whiny little baby who is upset because they suck at the game. Plain and simple. I mean....let's look at this in a different scenario....let's say you are playing a game of soccer, and you keep scoring on the goalie with ease and precision and each time you score on him he says "dude you're trash bro!"......who looks stupid in that scenario? He's just bad at being a goalie and has no understanding of good sportsmanship. Instead of calling you trash for scoring on him multiple times what he should be doing is asking himself what he is doing wrong and how he can improve his own skills so that you don't score on him again.....but instead he just keeps calling you trash and griping about you. That my friend is a terrible athlete that will never improve his game and the same is true for anyone who plays games online and does the same thing. He is either new to the game and frustrated, or he will give up on it in a week or so and then tell everyone how Read Dead sucks and try something else that he will inevitably suck at, not because he sucks at games but because his attitude towards the game sucks.

    NOOB: Wow, that was kind of deep and thought provoking.

    Captain: You know what else is kind of thought provoking? My pet alligator .......(Captain puts his pinky and index finger in his mouth and whistles). Alfie! Here boy!

    (Alfie comes out of the captain's tent at full sprint and heads straight for the noob. The Noob turns ghost white in the face)

    NOOB: Oh shit, not again. (the Noob quickly turns and runs to his horse and jumps on) Hiyah! Run girl run! (His horse takes off full sprint but Alfie is right on his tail and chases the noob over the hills of the great plains until they are no longer in the captains line of vision...the noob can be heard screaming as he rides away....) No Alfie! Leave me alone! ALFIEEEEE! Be a good boy Alfie don't eat me again! I'll give you the next deer that I kill! ALFIEEEEEEE!

    Captain: Now where was I.....hmmmm....Come back stronger.....strange medicine......the unblinking eye........
     
  11. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious stumbles across the NOOB sitting on a rock by a stream near tall trees looking sad.

    Captain: Hey kid, why the long face?

    NOOB: I don't think I can handle the haters anymore Captain Obvious. I might just give up altogether....

    Captain: Whoa there! Slow down.....what seems to be the issue?

    Noob: Well, I've been playing RDR2 online pretty much since the first day and I really like it so I play an hour or 2 a day....I'm now up over rank 120 but there's a problem with this. If I win a match someone always hates on me calling me a no life loser for being so high ranked or a hacker...cheater...etc. If I lose a match on the other hand I get ridiculed for being a high ranked player that doesn't win every match....the other day some guy was upset with me because we were not winning a hostile territory match and then insulted me for not being a better player at rank 125.....I can't win! No matter what I do someone is going to hate on me.

    Captain: Are you serious right now kid? Who cares. Let em' hate. With the exception of resetting your rank down to 0 there is not a whole lot else you can do unless you create a new character.....you're not going to win every match even if your gamer tag is "Godhercules" you're bound to lose sometimes. Heck, sometimes it's just luck that gets you the win.....spawning in the right spot, having deadeye built up at the right time, etc. Someone is always going to find a reason to attack you in the online gaming community....you're level 10 you suck! You're level 150 why didn't you win? You suck! You're level 150 and you won you're a no life loser! You Suck! It took you 3 shots to kill me! You're trash! You use deadeye all the time you suck! You're camping you suck! You killed me with a shotgun you suck! You got MVP in a match with no kills you suck! You have a higher rank than me but I beat you in Most Wanted you suck!.......sound familiar? some people just can't help themselves....they'll find a reason to attack you no matter what so you can either deal with it or move on......

    NOOB: So. what you're saying is....no matter what I do, no matter what strategy I use, no matter what my score is at the end of a match, win or lose, someone on the mic. will probably find some reason to tell me that I suck one way or another?

    Captain: Exactly. This is what we call poor sportsmanship. I rarely get mad when I lose a match. Hell at this point I don't even care. Of course I try to win every match that I play but if I lose I don't really care...especially hostile territory that match is stupid and you pretty much win depending on which team you spawn with.

    NOOB: Okay, maybe you're right.

    Captain: Yep, just a bunch of idiots who need to find something to cry about. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some PVP matches to attend to....

    THNSAWOITS
     
  12. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Noob rides up to Captain Obvious who is sitting on the bridge railing just outside of Saint Denis.....he is watching his pet Alligator Alfie frolicking in the water like an overstimulated otter.....

    NOOB: Oh, hey Captain Obvious, did not expect to see you here?

    Captain: What's good kid?

    NOOB: Oh I'm just riding into Saint Denis to stock up on some orders at the post office, just some deadeye tonics and express bullets for my Lancaster...you know the usual.

    Captain: I see.

    NOOB: But since I caught you here can I ask you a question?

    Captain: If I say no will it make a difference?

    NOOB: No I'll probably ask it anyway....

    Captain: Well then you might as well ask it.....go ahead......

    NOOB: Ummmm ok.....so the other day I was playing a match and this guy comes in part way through and just starts talking mad sh*t to everyone in the session even though he just got there? He starts yelling about being from NY and how if you're not from NY to STFU.....I politely ask him if we should all just shut up and listen to him then since no one on the mic. is from New York (which is ironic because he was the only one talking anyway)? Then he starts verbally attacking me as well and anyone else who will talk to him.....then he continues to do this through several matches (and scores negative in every one) and then after all of that smack talking and constant ref. to being from New York (like 500 or more and I'm not exaggerating) he sends me a friend request and says that I should add him? Now why would I want to add someone who talks smack for 30 minutes straight despite the fact that he can hardly even score a kill? Why would I want to be friends with someone who just comes in to verbally attack everyone?

    Captain: Sounds like your friend lacks some basic social skills. Seems like he is unaware of how to talk to or relate to others.....or to understand the concept of social cues in any way shape or form. I'd just add him to your block list and be done with it.

    NOOB: Good idea. I think I'll do that.....

    (NOOB rides off)

    Captain: That answer should have been "obvious"............

    THNSAWOITS
     
  13. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Side note from the Captain: Hey you! Idiot! Yeah i'm taking you! You know who you are. You are the guy who waits outside every post office, gunsmith, or anywhere else in free roam that's safe and kills me for no reason when I come out. You're the guy who teams up with 4 other players and comes after one random guy who is fishing all by himself, you start "battles" in free roam for no reason but I know why......you suck at this game and the only way you can actually score any XP is to kill people in free roam. You suck at PVP matches so all you can do is run around in free roam and grief people because you just suck that much. Just remember this. I have a particular set of skills, skills for dealing with people like you so know this..... If you grief me in free roam you better plan on switching lobbies because I will find you and I will kill you, over and over and over and over until you rage quit.

    "This game sucks! I hate this game! This game is Bullsh*t!" ........cool. Go play something else then or keep trying to get better and realize how fun it actually is.


    Camping is not cool, especially in a Name you weapon match? What are you doing on that bridge over the train tracks in Annesburg buddy? Head shot with a repeater? Seriously? You killed me three times from up there gaining a total of three points and meanwhile down below here I killed 1 guy with a tomahawk and two with a shotgun. That means I got 12 points to your 3. Learn how to play.

    Hey you! Hiding in the theatre in Blackwater, at the top of the tower in the oil fields, in the jail cell in rhodes holding down territiories in hostile territory by hiding and getting the MVP everytime as a result, not cool....oh wait never mind that's me.....lol.

    See If I'm gonna call others out on their BS I'll admit mine as well.
     
  14. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    NOOB: Captain obvious? Why is it that groups of friends online come into matches talking smack to everybody even when they suck. I don't get it?

    Captain: Ya know kid I don't know but yesterday there was a group of brittish gentlemen who came into a match part way through and were immediately rude to everyone in the room, insulting people with American accents and basically perpetuating the stereotype of Brittish snobbery. They acted like they owned the lobby and then got their asses whopped by nearly 100 points during the next match which was a name your weapon team match in Annesburg and then proceeded to keep losing. Maybe next time they should try to play a match or 2 in order to see how good the other players are before talking all that trash. Nothing looks more stupid than a group who acts like they own the game only to lose.
     
  15. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    (Captain obvious squats behind a rock in the plains outside of Blackwater.....he has his bow drawn and is carefully aiming at a Buffalo/Bison getting ready to make a kill.)

    Captain: just gotta line up a nice head shot here and I'll finally have a perfect pelt....almost there......don't move you beast.....

    (The Noob rides up out of nowhere which suddenly startles the Buffalo and it runs away)

    NOOB: Captain Obvious! There you are!

    Captain: Goddmanit kid! I was about to get a kill for a perfect pelt!

    NOOB: Meh, who cares, you'll make more money playing showdown matches anyway...

    Captain Obvious: Yeah that is true I guess.....I was just trying to do something different for once.

    NOOB: So Captain obvious, it's happening again....

    Captain: What's happening?

    Noob: Idiots keep coming into lobbies talking crap to everyone and end up getting their asses kicked 6 ways from Sunday! Last night it didn't even make sense! Some guy comes in talking in a crappy fake country western accent and immediately targets me verbally for no reason! Then I kill the guy immediately! Then he starts talking about how I tried to kill him but couldn't even though I had just shot him? So then I kill him again and he keeps talking crap to me? At this point I hadn't even said anything on the mic? Then at the end of the match I ended up in 2nd place and he was in like 27th and he's still talking crap to me about how I couldn't kill him? WTF? Seriously???? WTF???

    Captain: Hmmm.....well kid sometimes ya just can't fix stupid...or perhaps drunk? Maybe drunk and high? Meth? Who knows. Whatever this guy was on....even if he was just high on life it sounds like he might be a little special? Otherwise he thought that if he talked smack like he was beating you people would think that he was? Of course that makes no sense because the leader board shows it all....I think that just like the griefers in free roam who kill other players because they can't kill ANYONE in a showdown match there are some people who just suck so much at this game that they have to come in and talk mad crap to everybody just to entertain themselves...because they are so pathetic that it is the only way that they can derive any satisfaction from a game where they constantly lose....because they are such sad excuses for humans that the only way they can feel better about themselves is to insult others....because.....quite frankly....they suck at life.

    NOOB: WOW! pretty harsh but true!

    Captain: Now I believe you owe me a pelt.....(captain aims his bow at the Noob and pulls back the bow string)

    NOOB: NO wait!!!

    (FWAP! An arrow hits the noob right between the eyes and he drops like a sack of potatoes....The Captain walks up and skins him like he would an animal and an icon appears on the screen that says "acquired pefect NOOB pelt")

    Captain: Alright! Now we're talkin'! Wonder how much money this pelt will get me at the butcher?

    THNSAWOITS
     
  16. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Noob rides up to Captain obvious who is sitting on a rock near Gaptooth Breach. The Noob hops off of his horse and approaches the Captain.

    NOOB: Hey Captain obvious, what are you doing all the way down here? No one even comes around this part of the map unless there is a treasure?

    Captain: Just takin' in some quiet time kid. That's the whole point. No griefers down here to shoot at me while I'm trying to pick up my mail, No NPC's talking at me. Just serenity and silence.....

    NOOB: Yeah but, there's no mailbox around here or anything?

    Captain: also true.....so what do you need this time kid?

    Noob: Well, I'm glad you asked...I wanted to talk to you about a specific type of player today..... not a griefer, and not a smack talker per say.... but just an all around jerk.

    Captain; Well by all means....elaborate!

    Noob: Okay so yesterday I'm playing showdown matches, and I'm doing ok....not winning every time but doing ok. There's another player in the lobby "ShowerofDiamonds" I think his name was.....something stupid to do with Diamonds....super lame gamer tag......anyway....we play a Hostile territory match in Rhodes, and I see that there are only 2 people on my team, so I immediately go to try to get territory A. The reason that I do this is because I know that if I can get into the jail cell without getting killed I can usually hold it down for a while which....with only a 2 person team, I figure is our best chance of winning....

    Captain: Mmmm Hmmm...

    Noob: So I get in there right away but two people from the yellow team are already in the area so I can't claim it....so I wait it out but end up getting killed by some dynamite.....then When I respawn I notice my team mate has almost claimed territory D so I go and help him for a few minutes and we manage to get it. I immediately head back to A where I manage to claim it and hold it down for the entire rest of the match until the last minute or so when "Shower of Diamonds" (super dumb and slightly fem sounding gamer tag by the way) comes in and kills me and says "I gotcha you SOB".....which is fine because if you kill me you kill me right? No big deal. So....his team wins the match and he says "I killed you ya loser. You must be pretty mad. You were camping in A the entire match" ( which I wasn't...in fact I was only on that jail cell for about 2 minutes of the whole thing) then he says "you must be pretty mad. I'd be mad too if I camped there the entire match and didn't get MVP" ...then he continues to berate me and talk about how I suck at the game etc.....I don't get it. The guy killed me once and his team won anyway so why does he have to be so mean. I've encountered this type of thing with other players as well who talk down to other players and tell then that they suck. I'd think if you were a good player (and I'm actually pretty good most of the time) you'd be nicer to those that are not as good as you, after all, they are the reason that you are able to win. Why do some people have to be suck cocky jerks in the game? I don't get it?
    I just muted him and then voted to kick him and I guess others must have felt some hostility as well because within a minute 7 other people voted him out as well.

    Captain: Yeah I don't get it kid. When I win a match I usually say nothing other than "phew" or "yes I won!" I don't say much else and I certainly don't attack other players who are not doing as well as me unless they have been talking smack first. I mean yeah you were trying to camp out in a territory but so what....that's the idea of hostile territory. Get as many territories as you can and hold them down for the win right? Sounds like your friend "shower of diamonds" needs to take a "shower of kindness" and learn to be a little nicer. There are a lot of good players out there who do this sort of thing. They like to bully people and tear then down and try to make them feel bad about themselves because these people have very low self esteem and being insulting to others makes them feel better about themselves. There is a guy who is really good that I play with often named "godhercules" and he never says anything when he wins. Don't even think he has a mic. Another guy "on dat herb" I think? also pretty cool when he wins all the time. You did the right thing by muting him. People who are toxic to your life or even your gaming life just need to be cut out entirely. Hopefully one day you can beat him in a match. When you do that you will see that he will either say nothing, or complain about your gameplay style and tell you that you suck even though you beat him. It's sad that there are people like this out there but it's just the way it is.

    NOOB: Gee, thanks Captain obvious!

    Captain: No problem kid, now get outta here, you are interrupting my serene moment.

    NOOB: You got it! (rides off)

    THNSAWOITS
     
  17. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    THE CAPTAIN SHOOTS FROM THE HIP: NO NOOB NEEDED...

    Captain: Hi Kids! Captain obvious here, and I just wanted to say a few words about online ass clowns, you know who you are.....I think it is both sad and pathetic when a good player feels the need to rub it in everyone else's face. Last night a guy just started yelling at me, calling me the N word, and all kinds of insults ....."mud man" seemed to be his favorite....I didn't do anything to this guy, I didn't beat him in a match, did not say anything to him...nothing....then he starts ranting about how I bitch too much? I wasn't even talking on the mic. before he addressed me? WTF? He kept ranting on and on so I muted him after the match. A few minutes later I hear another guy talking to him on the mic..... I knew this because I was hearing him respond to this idiot and he was responding to the same kinds of things that I was hearing before I muted this guy. So he and I got to talking about what a jerk this guy was and went back and forth about how some idiots just feel the need to insult everyone on the game and the worst ones are the good players that are good at the game and still feel the need to do this. It's downright disgusting. So, anyhow I had this guy muted but it was really funny to hear the other guys responses because I could only hear one side of the conversation....sort of like when you watch a movie and a person is talking on the phone but you can't hear the person on the other end of the line? Anyway everybody was ripping on this guy and honestly it would not have happened if he'd just played nicely. He was winning a ton of matches so props to his skills but the guy needed to ditch the attitude....wish I could remember his gamer tag but I can't...started with an M.....used hate speech A LOT and was not your usual 12 year old squeeker but was instead an adult who acted like one.....he should hang out with "Sea of Diamonds" or "Shower of Diamonds...." whatever that guys name was. They could be ass clowns together...

    [​IMG] or better yet...

    upload_2019-2-12_8-42-10.jpeg or better still....

    upload_2019-2-12_8-42-32.jpeg
     
  18. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain obvious is picking up mail at the post office (which means bullets and deadeye tonics....because what else would you get at the post office?) and the NOOB walks in.

    NOOB: Hiya Captain!

    Captain: Oh.....hey kid.....gettin' some mail?

    NOOB: Yep. But since I ran into you I had a question. Seems to be a lot of folks confused about character choices in the game? I believe that you are allowed to choose any character, race, gender, etc. in the game that you want right?

    Captain: Yes I believe that is the idea. Seen lots of white folks playing as black, ladies playing as men, and vice versa...what's the confusion?

    NOOB: Well, my character is female, and lately a lot of people have been saying that makes me "gay"......but I don't get why?

    Captain: Well the definition of homosexuality is "the quality or characteristic of being sexually attracted solely to people of one's own sex." according to Google, so by that rationality if you're playing with a female character you are anything BUT gay. In fact, the guy who is running around the map with a shirtless male character is probably more gay than you since he'd rather look at a hairy dude all day on the game as opposed to a female character. So next time someone tries that argument just respond with that.

    NOOB: Good plan.

    Captain: Yep, it sure is.

    THNSAWOITS
     
  19. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Captain sits in the Armadillo Saloon talking to the bartender.....

    Captain: Yeah so like I was saying it's like when someone planned the towns in this part of the country they completely forgot about post offices ya know what I mean? There ain't one here, there ain't one in Tumbleweed....and it's at least a days ride to Valentine.....

    (The Noob comes running into the saloon)

    Noob: Captain Obvoious! I have great news!

    Captain: (to bartender) excuse me for just a sec.... (turns and faces the Noob who runs up to the bar) Ok kid, what is it....

    Noob: Well ya know how I've been complaining a lot about jerks playing online and talking smack all the time etc.?

    Captain: Yeah?

    Noob: Well for the past few days I have not experienced this at all. Everyone has been really cool for the most part. Had some nice conversations with people and some fun matches where we all talked a little smack but it was all in fun. I didn't hear anyone using hate speech or being mean to other players and it was just such a nice change of pace. In fact we all talked quite a bit about how some people are such jerks online and how it was such a nice change of pace to have some friendly people on the mic. for once.

    Captain: Well good 4 you kid. I'm glad for ya. Now do me a favor, why don't ya go to the nearest post office and pick up my mail. the captain is low on tobacco and express bullets.

    Noob: But the nearest post office is miles away from here?

    Captain: I ain't gonna ask again......I'll just call my pet alligator in here again.

    Noob: Okay okay I'm going.

    (Noob leaves)

    Captain: (to bartender) Got him wrapped around my finger.....so anyway like I was saying....It'd be nice if there was more to do around here....can't even find a fire to cook at.....no tailor.... (Bartender rolls his eyes as Captain rambles on about nothing....)

    THNSAWOITS
     

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